Aging in Place: Set reasonable expectations and you’ll always be satisifed

A very smart friend once said to me, as I was grousing and complaining about something, “You set your own level of discomfort by where you set your level of expectation.” No one is advocating setting low expectations. But setting reasonable and likely expectations is a sensible goal, especially as you get older. It is also a key ingredient in living well as you age.
Living as I now do among about 130 people in a senior facility, just about every day I hear a complaint about something that is not the way it “should” be. Usually that means “the way it used to be done” when that person was doing it.
Once you agree to move your life out of your own home and into congregate living, you have to expect a menu and food choice and preparation unlike what you had when you were doing the shopping and cooking yourself. The food here is very healthy, somewhat bland, and reliant on a steam table for it to get to you hot. The chef here used to work at the Equinox Hotel in Manchester, and in my opinion does a pretty good job of trying to offer something for everyone.
When we were younger and had to amuse ourselves without an onsite activities director, if we got bored or lonely there was no one to blame but ourselves. The expectation that it is someone else’s job to fill our days with fun is pretty unrealistic. I remember when I was quite young and newly married, I kept waiting for my equally young husband to make our lives interesting and fun. It took quite a while for me to face the realization that it was my job, not his, to fill my days with fun and interesting endeavors.
Some people here claim, “I am paying all this money and the services are not what I expected.” This is the least expensive facility for miles around. It does not offer an indoor swimming pool, a gymnasium, a pub or coffee shop, nor a nine-hole golf course, as many other facilities do. It is purely good quality and well-maintained rental housing, with three meals per a day, and onsite home healthcare if you require assisted living or memory care. What did you expect you would get for your monthly fee?
When I add up what it used to cost me to live independently - real estate taxes, mortgage, repairs, yard and lawn service, utilities, etc. - what little profit the organization is making off my fees seems quite reasonable to me.
I worked for 25 years in various roles for hospice in three states. I had a whole lot of patients who fretted and complained and made the people around them suffer as they wound down their days. They were the minority, thankfully. Most tried to live their final months graciously, protective of their loved ones sharing the experience. I came to the conclusion that generally speaking, people die the way they lived. The selfish, controlling, demanding folks did that right up to the lip of the grave. I was much younger then and had not yet faced all the incremental losses of old age, and I promised myself I would “try” to keep my expectations in the realm of reasonable reality. I would not complain constantly.