The art of building community — nonviolently

To the Editor:
After a good phone call with Kurt Daims, I would like to suggest ways that we can all practice the arts of building community nonviolently and communicating with people with whom we disagree.
The first thing is to remember that just because we disagree about public policy does not mean we have nothing in common. Most people have a set of needs and aspirations that are quite similar to those of others. When confronted by hostile or irritating opinions, we shift the conversation by asking what the other person really needs; what they really want. At once, we are not talking in vague policy terms, but personal terms, and the desire to connect is enhanced.
Once we get a response, we can try to go deeper into the needs and aspirations of the other person, to affirm them specifically around these, and to share similar needs and aspirations. This builds community by expanding the relationship context to one that is less confrontational. Try this and see where it can take your relationships!
A second practice that can be helpful, is to engage others in practical actions that benefit the community. We can be on opposite political poles and still want to help feed children, have clean streets and waterways, honor our elders, and share many other positive social goals. Doing work together breaks down unfounded assumptions about other people based on their politics, race, gender/sexuality, socio-economic status. We start to see one another as complex persons, rather than representatives of a hated class.
Third, we can start changing our public policies to strengthen community. Take zoning. It is usually set up to keep poor people from living next to rich people, and to promote racism without naming it. We can change our zoning laws to encourage neighborhoods of mixed housing forms: rentals, duplexes, single households, and different house sizes. This will lead us to develop relationships with people who are different from us, and hence help us develop empathy and bonds of community that transcend political opinion.
I am sure that these ideas work, though not all the time. I want to encourage others to share their ideas for ways to rebuild community and civility.
Rev. Ralph W. Howe
Brattleboro